Life O' A Snail

One day in the spring o’ twenty-eight

Dad told us he had a surprise

He said we were moving doon the toun

Afore you know it, we’re saying oor goodbyes

The next day efter topping up oor slime

We started the hazardous flit

And even wi’ a short cut through Underwood Lane

It was harder than I care to admit

Oor new hoose in Glen Lane was ‘the business’

It had a cracking view o’ the toun

And its bus stops on every surrounding street

Made it brilliant for getting aroun

We backed on to the Fountain Gairdens

                                        Wi’ its statue o’ our national bard                                        

And wi’ cherubs, dolphins and herons

That’s what I call a backyard

Each morn to the Gairdens fountain I’d go

For my daily swim and shower

Riding a magnificent walrus

It was almost my favorite hour

Dolphins in the center o’ Paisley!

You must be thinking I’ve lost the plot

But when I tell you the creatures were made o’ stane

You’re noo wondering who is the clot

The first night as we sat in the kitchen

A’ oor noses started itching and sniffing

It was like lemons, ginger and cream of tartar

We couldnae believe what we were whiffing

My faither said he was nipping next door

To see what he could spot

And though I said I would go wi’ him

‘It’s just too dangerous,’ was his thought

Dad put on his climbing gear

Stuck a torch on the front o’ his shell

An hour later, he’s back with some ginger

He’d located the source o’ the smell

You were wondering about my favorite hour

And it’s that time we’re now at

Oor evening trip to auld Davie’s factory

To quaff ginger wi’ Ginger, his ginger cat

END O’ CHUNK TWO

So, that brought back some fond memories

Some o’ the best times o’ my life

And the only thing I can compare it tae

Is the first time I met my future wife

But yon’s a different story

And this story needs to go on

To the events leading up to the cases

And the law changes they would spawn