A Snail's Place In History

Though May won her case in the House o’ Lords

That didnae prove the event occurred

Davie even claimed the bottle wisnae his

And that the whole thing was absurd

The case then went back to the Scottish court

Where Davie hoped to put things straight

But sadly, he died afore it got there

And his executors settled oot o’ his estate

It was never divulged how much was paid

Whether in hundreds, it was two or five

But there’s one thing that is kent for sure

I’m the maist expensive snail to ever be alive

The café struggled wi’ the infamy o’ the case

Its doors shut forever in thirty-one

And so, while May was still in the middle o’ her fight

Frankie’s new Anchor Mill joab had just begun

Puir May continued to have a tough existence

And long life wisnae to be her fate

But she continued to live for her family

Till her clogs popped in fifty-eight

Well, here’s a fact that will astound you

A mollusc withoot a shell is actually a slug

So when weans cry ‘gies a slug o’ yer ginger’

We wee snails get ever so slightly smug

Oh, and for those that had May and I acquainted

And o’ us blending up a little swick

A thieving bone in an invertebrate?

Naebody could make that stick

I am thinking noo, when you talk or think snails

You will notice I didnae say ‘eat’

May’s triumph will be at the front o’ yer thoughts

And the infliction o’ the great legal defeat

This has been a long and complex story

And so a question as it nears its end

‘THE GASTROPOD THAT CHANGED THE LAW’

Has a better headline ever been penned?

And that means every time you make a purchase

Whether it’s deid, fake, worn, broken or just stale

Remember you have rights, my friend

Thanks to me… the ‘Paisley Snail’

THE END